Sometimes, suburban malaise creeps in and can really drain your weekend, but not now! Here’s a list of ten, fabulous ideas to brighten anyone’s day!
1. Wear nothing except a propeller hat and a bluetooth to your child’s baseball practice.
2. Wear a snowsuit to the beach, and cook green beans in a pot over a Coleman stove while making balloon animals for children.
3. Mash a bottle of ketchup and the dog leash under your tire and tell the neighborhood children that you accidentally ran over a puppy.
4. Bring a dozen balloons home for your kids, but accidentally on purpose let them fly away right before their eyes.
5. Tell your kids that you are taking them to Disneyland, but instead, take them to an abandoned building and tell them that Disneyland burned down.
6. Fill a water balloon with ketchup, put on white pants, sit on it as hard as you can, then stroll through the feminine hygiene aisle at your local grocery store and ask strangers how to use a tampon.
7. Ride one of the motorized scooter carts through WalMart, kicking your legs out the sides while filling your basket with jump ropes and high heels.
8. Tell your kids you’ve arranged a scavenger hunt for them, then give them your grocery list and send them around the neighborhood to collect all of the items you need.
9. Tell your kids there’s a pile of money buried under a weed, and have them clean out all of your flower beds for you.
10. Be a door to door dildo salesman.