plenty of fish my ass : continued

Oh dear god.

I just can’t stop, my naturally addictive personality is all over this like Prince Harry on the pink.

Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?

This is really spectacular.  Are you taking a shit?  Getting a Blumpkin?  Whatever it is I want no part of it.

His caption read “LET’S GO FISHING!”  So clever, get it, Plenty of Fish, Let’s go fishing…in case you didn’t get that he clarified it on his profile.  PS, your hat makes you look fat.

Why what a lovely abode!  The dream catcher really makes the place, I can so picture myself naked in there with you.  This was his first pic, then I shit you not, this was his second:

I don’t even know what to say to that, but I swear to god I did not make this up.

Sometimes I’m actually speechless.  It doesn’t happen often, but this did it.

OK, the BEST part about this, is that he says he’s 39.  Yeah, and my tits are filled with peanut butter.

Hi Pat!  I know, I know…take a moment to wipe yourself.  Wanna know the best part?  He loves working out.

Excellent, how nice of you to take a break from the porn channel and your corona and your shitty polyester comforter to take this.  FYI that cat on your bed is the only pussy you’re going to get.

Awesome purple henley, you must be having a rocker in your Mom’s basement!  She’s so cool to let you still live there, considering you’re 47.  In case this wasn’t enticing enough, this was his second photo:

That just did it for me, what’s your address, I can’t get over there with the lube fast enough.

You are clearly in a blackout.  Great foresight to take your profile pic before you pass out in a pool of your own Gin flavored vomit.  PS, your bangs are most excellent.

I don’t know which one you are, but it makes not a bit of difference.  The fact that this is 10 years ago scares me almost as much as the fact that your name is “Lemmy”.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.  Nice Hair, did you fashion that with your own ejaculate?

Thank you for choosing the panoramic option, and leaving in the bug fogger on the top of your fridge.  Can we set it off on our first date while I’m blowing you?

Awesome ride dude.  Thanks for letting us know that you don’t care about the little things, like your car ceiling falling off on your head, or sleeves.

Am I supposed to feel like I’m on top of you?  I will never put a quarter in this ride. PS, your fingernails are pretty and I bet your beard smells like old bacon and cigarettes.

When Grandma’s away, Grandpa will play.  It’s OK, he’s only interested in “a casual encounter.” Ew.

His beer is 1/3 as important as he is.  PS, where is your upper lip?

He is obviously very respectful of women.  I sure hope he’ll use that oval on me one day when he’s finished!  PS, Google “how to crop a photo.”

That’s it for now, feel free to go change your underpants.

55 replies

  1. Yeah for the second time today i had to change my undies…. OMG I don’t know what makes me lol more the pics or your comments.. Keep it going girl you have hit a gold mine ( I am so laughing so effing hard!!! ) need to wash some more lady things for the next round….:) 🙂 🙂

  2. Le Clown
    I am rather sleepy, thank you for noticing. I am currently recaffeinating, so hopefully I will be up to my normal fuck you standards shortly.
    You’re Welcome,

  3. I cannot believe these are real, but they must, because who could make this shit up? I realize not everyone is a model, but – but – crop the woman out of the photo, don’t take your picture in the mirror of your bathroom, please no pics in your panties even if you do have muscles, and the one lying down – he looks like Dr. House after he had a few two many benders and then got run over by a truck – twice.

    This is truly a gold mine.

  4. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is right. I am totally stealing that one, but the men, my dear, you can keep all of those gems. Tell me that there were at least a few of these guys that didn’t make you break out in hives though, or is all faith lost?

  5. You must now fake a profile that you are a man. Use any of the pics that you have used here, and see what the chicks are like. Wait, maybe use a pic of like Brad Pitt or something so someone actually responds. The guys can’t be the only ones this hilarious.

    • I just discovered Ericka Clay/Creative Liar last week, via Le Clown of course, and she is hands fucking down my new favorite blogger. I want to marry her, or at least scissor with her, in pantyhose of course, so it wouldn’t count.

  6. Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one
    and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses?
    If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.

  7. I’m dying of laughter! This is my bedtime reading material and its almost 10 am…you have me hooked. I wish you had a book or audible blogs so I could actually take my eyes off your blog and laugh myself to sleep. Love you Tracy 🙂

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